The week after hospital...oh what a week!

So the week after hospital it was decided by both families (not me),that it would be best to spend all week getting our little terraced house ready to move in to as it was obvious that the reason I had my "breakdown"was that the witch and I should be living together as a couple in our own house and not with my parents. So each day everyone turned up to do their bit.The only thing wrong with this was that the witches family decided who did what,so it always seemed to me that my family got the short end of the stick( or paint brush). I,however, was not allowed to do anything in my own house.I was placed on a stool in the middle of the living room and left to watch everyone else decorating my house.I actually remember feeling like a five year old or on some occasions a bit drunk or drugged up as I was just sat there all helpless. At the end of the week the house was deemed fit enough to move in to,so we did. Our very own house....aah. I had already been off work too long.As a self employed person I did not get sick pay so I returned to my good old faithful Transit van.This was OK for the first week,but the witch then decided that she wanted me back for tea at the same time every day.I tried to explain to her that as I could be anywhere in the Country that I could not guarantee getting back for a certain time,but I would do my best.Well,this was not good enough,so the witch came up with a solution: I would work up to 4.30pm everyday and at that time,wherever I am I have to turn round and head back home.So I agreed to this quite ridiculous plan,knowing that most places I would be in at 4.30pm would most likely be at least an hour away.This was probably not the best thing to do as , as you can guess,I was late back most days. I would be welcomed with"where have you been till this time?" and " I thought I told you to turn round at 4.30 ".To which I replied I did,(even though I was an hour away).So the witch accused me of lying.Which she tended to do with anything I said these days. The situation got worse.It was the usual "happy couple" stuff:arguing,shouting,mugs being thrown.I dodged one when outside and to my horror it nearly hit the Transit!.After two weeks of living together I found my self in the spare bedroom,back to sleeping in a single bed.Mind you I found this quite easy as when we were in the marital double bed the witch had drawn an imaginary line down the middle that I was not allowed to cross.So it was just like been in a single bed any way. During the next few weeks we seemed to arguing and disagreeing all the time and all of this was my fault according to the witch.Part of the problem was lack of money so I went back to being a mobile DJ to earn some extra cash which the witch agreed I should do.This however still caused problems as the witch said we needed to talk about "things" and I was never there to talk to.I suppose you cant do right for doing wrong. In week four or five the witch decided that we should split up.I tried to talk about this with her but it always ended up in arguments and these were apparently always my fault. In week six of our marriage the witch told me that at the weekend I had to move out(of my house)and she would stay in the house until it sold.I of course would happily keep paying the mortgage until this happened.The weekend came and I had to work until noon.So off I went.I got back around noon and went into the house.As I entered I saw my suitcase and several bin bags full of my clothes etc.by the door.I asked the witch if this was it then to which she said yes.So I loaded up the Transit with the stuff.As I went back in to the house for the last time the witch said "so this is it then you are definitely going ?" I obviously pointed out the bags and she then said yes that's it then.Its over.I still cant work that bit out. I went back to my parents house and that very night found myself doing a disco for a wedding!It was that night that I learned what it was to be professional.Can you imaging how hard it was to say "congratulations to the happy couple and best of luck for the future" over a microphone? So now I am back living at the parents and the only thing keeping me going is the thought of becoming a Dad in three months. Well I did become a Dad.We had a baby girl.This is the beginning of a whole new chapter. It doesn't get any better...